THE STRUGGLE IS REAL

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I’ll start with “it’s draining to be an introvert in a world full of extroverts”

So far, this year was the most challenging year of my medical career. A year that challenged my intellectual, physical, spiritual and emotional well being. Being me, I hate changes, I hate sudden, unexpected and uncontrollable events. There are times when adapting is hard that walking away is much more convenient .I am afraid of things I don’t have control over – this is me, an introvert.

This year was a struggle between my fear of uncertainty and motivation to continue the journey. Even before I started medicine I have doubts in my self, wanting to become a doctor is not in question but rather my preparedness to become one is, I can tell you that I’m 100% sure that I want to be a doctor coz I don’t see my self doing other things other than wearing those white coat and stethoscope or holding those scalpels, but I’m also pretty sure I’m not  100% prepared for all of these. Two years ago if you’d ask me if I wanted to proceed into medicine honestly speaking I’ll tell you yes but with reservation. I remember the last semester when the anxiety and fear of going to med school sets in that it even prompted me to consult the school’s guidance counselor because Im thinking that maybe 4 years of undergraduate is not enough to be prepared, that maybe I should take masteral first, at least I will have time to learn new things, refresh my knowledge in biology and prepared myself for medicine. But that time I felt the pressure to continue medicine despite my uncertainties especially that I’m the first in the family (The pressure is there).

So first year med, I met new people, new friends, new environment, everything is new for me except for my college friends thanks to them they became my safe haven in med school. I struggled a lot especially with biochem, anatomy, psych and COMMED (who didn’t?). But despite of these struggles I can feel the control over my subjects thus I even manage to exempt some of it. After all the changes and pressures, the ups and downs, the passed and failed evals I thought I have adopted already and can face anything that is there ahead of me.

Until 2nd year came, when my safe haven become smaller, there were new sets of friends, the curriculum have changed, exam schedules have changed, mode of lectures have changed in short everything is new and everything have changed. Then I realized I have to start adapting all over again and I can tell you  BRO, THE STRUGGLE IS REAL. 1st sem becomes my adaptation stage, we all felt the pressure to adapt but it varies how fast one can, some can adapt after 2-3 months but with some including me it takes more time – It even come to a point na iniisip ko na mag quit, mag LOA nalang at mag MS or culinary (Yes!!) especially after I received my semestral grade (I have 4 unsat). I started to question my self, am I worthy of this? or are all my sacrifices worth it. The feeling of being stupid every time you see your eval scores, the torture and stress it brings to your emotional and physical well being,  the lies you said to protect the only thing that left in you- your ego when ask how’s your exam and you said fine “nakakapit” when in fact it is far from passing, the sleepless nights, the overdosing of caffeine. May I ask you, are all of these sacrifices worth it? for me, I dont know, maybe.

Here comes second sem, unlike others who have saved extras here I am catching up with my grades (yung feeling ng 1 sided love, ikaw lang ang naghahabol kaya ikaw lang din ang napapagod)– 2nd sem is my recovery stage. When my name was called to see my adviser and when my name was called to attend the remedial class that’s my wake-up call. I felt ashamed of my self after that not because of what my classmates might think about me but what my family will say or feel if they’ll find out that I’m failing med school. That day I went home gloomy, took a bath and there it just happened, tears flows down uncontrollably especially when I remember what Dra said ” your parents have the right to know your class standing, para di sila magulat kung after this school year na may bagsak kayo” but I don’t know how to tell them. They’re far from me and Id rather face my problem alone than being a burden to them, as long as I can handle it I will keep it to my self. I don’t know why I lack the courage to tell them, maybe I don’t want to hurt them, maybe I don’t want to be a disappointment but I guess it is more of it wont matter even they’ll know, it wont change the fact that I failed. After a week or so I changed my habit, I studied in the library till 8-10pm a week before the exam just to avoid destruction like Tv series etc. I did try Muaythai once a week to reduce my stress. Now I started to ask for help, it is not bad to ask your friends help. Most importantly I ask God to give me strength and motivation everyday. Slowly it paid-off I can see the results. Hopefully it is not too late to pull everything up.

Throughout my experiences I learned that at some point in time no matter how prepared you think you are, medicine will find a way on making you feel stupid and inexperienced  in understanding the intricate anatomy, physiology and biochemistry of human body.

Preparedness can help but what we really need is the desire, the drive, the motivation to fight till we get what we want.

With all of these experiences I can answer you with conviction that medicine is worth fighting for.

To third year- My journey is still far from the finish line but at least I’m moving forward. I might have some stop over along the way or my phasing is slow, but everything that happened helped me to see clearly where I’m heading. GET THAT MD!

Check your personality here:

INFJ personality (https://www.16personalities.com/)INTJ personality (http://www.humanmetrics.com/)

-032616 2:46am [Late night random thoughts – Holly week reflection]

 

 

04-28-16

The moment of truth, promo boards.

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Start of this year I made these post-it. I was actually preparing myself for the possible outcomes that might happen after the school year ends.

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All my sacrifices this year have paid off. Thank you to everyone especially my family my mentors and my friends for keeping me sane this year, sa pag intindi sa akin. But most of all  thank you to the Lord God  for providing me everything that I needed to survive this year.

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This is for my friends, I want you to know it is hard for me to be happy knowing you are not. I know your struggles and felt your frustrations but what I always told you “Kapit lang, magtiwala” hindi man sya umubra ngayon but what It really meant is that “Kapit lang, magtiwala”  makakamit natin ang MD, hindi man ngayon baka bukas ang importante hindi tayo mawawalan ng pag-asang lumaban. (insert wink)

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To my incoming 2nd year friends, 2nd year is a struggle pero pag nakapasa kayo iba ang feeling yung tipong mapapaupo ka sa sahig at mapapaluha nalang. hahaha

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Mom and Dad #THIRDYEARNAAKO #MDyomalapitna

Things I wish I knew before entering Med school

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-Hindi pa po ako tapos mag 1st year,kaya dapat nagaaral ako ngayon kasi may exam ako pero eto ako nag susulat. Nawa po ay lahat kami makatapos ng 1st year at ma promote sa 2nd year. #Batch2018

1. Medicine is a new language, mula sa parati nating naririnig na mga medical terms nung undergrad hanggang sa mga medical terms na “Di mo inakala” (Fraser-Francois Meyer-Schwickerath Ulrich feichtiger syndrome). Halos lahat ng medical jargons ay Greek (di maintindihan) sa 1st year. Sa anatomy kailangan lahat alamin, from the largest vessels to the smallest one (aorta and vena cava to capillaries), every muscles of the body from fontal belly of occipitofrontalis to flexor digitorum brevis (head to foot), isama mo pa ang mga ligaments and tendons at ang innervations and OIA (Origin, Insertion Action ), from groves, depressions, fissures and canals of the bones, and gyri and sulci of the brain. Sa physio naman mechanism of circulation, micturation, respiration and all the different senses lahat na. Sa biochem naman, from your micromolecules hanggang macromolecules, isama mo pa ang mga metabolic cycles.

2. Medicine is not for the weak, Pagdating sa med swerte mo na kung maka apat na oras ka na tulog. Tulog na ang mga tao ikaw gising pa, nagising na sila ikaw gising padin (wala pang tulog) kung mahilig ka naman mag library kasi minsan hanggang 12 midnight open,  dadating ka ng bahay tulog na sila, aalis ka tulog padin sila kaya bihira nalang kayo magpangkita. Sa medicine ang challenge sayo ay physical (8 hours straight lecture, tapos lunch break lang), emotional (iiyak ka nalang, yung tipong tatanungin mo ang sarili mo bakit ko ba to pinasok) pati spiritual (minsan tatanungin mo si God, Lord makakaya ko pa ba to? Kailangan ko po kayo, itutuloy ko pa ba to?)

3. What you will learn are almost all theoretical. Subjects mo sa 1st year ay puro pang basic knowledge ng normal structures and functions. All are fundamentals of medicine. Pagdating nyo pa ng upper years ang pathological (2nd year) and clinical (3rd year).

4. Lifestyle is sedentary. Either papayat ka or tataba. Hindi mo maiiwasan na tumaba, kasi ang pagkain ang magiging outlet mo ng stress. May mga tao din na ang trip sa buhay ay mag gym, jogging, umakyat ng bundok or sumali sa mga sporting events (dami nilang oras- pero saludo ako sa kanila kaya nilang pagsabayin)

5. You know nothing. Dito mo mararanasan matakot, sapagkat ang dami mo pang hindi alam.

6. Medical jargons are impressive .Sikapin mong alalahanin ang mga tinuro sayo para pag may reunion kayo ng family, relatives and non medical friends mo pabibo ka.

7. Medical school is not a competition, ang competition lang ay pag kumuha ka ng NMAT, entrance exam at interview. Pag nag start na ang school year ang ka competition mo ay ang sarili mo.Wag kang manghila ng iba para umangat ka, magtulungan kayo konti na nga lang ang nagdodoktor mag hihilaan pa kayo pababa. #BatchUnity

8. Medical career is not easy. Ang pagddoktor ay hindi madali at hindi petiks, kung madali edi ang dami na sanang doktor. (kung naghahanap ka ng med school na madali, mag dalawang isip kana sapagkat ang pag ddoktor ay hindi biro at walang med school na petiks.) The only thing that makes it less stressful and hassle are your family, your friends, your professors ( that are intelligent, witty, inspirational and not boring) na parating nandyan para gabayan ka and also the GREEN environment (magandang tanawin at sariwang hangin).

9. Ang pre-med mo ay may pros and cons kasi sa med pantay-pantay lang kayo lahat siguro mga 1st sem makakatulong sayo mga nalaman mo ng undergrad pero pagdating ng second sem kailangan mo na talaga mag basa ng mga libro. Minsan magaling ka sa theo pero hirap sa pracs or kabaliktaran. Kung magaling ka sa lahat, ikaw na.

10. Dahil sa med school parati kang absent, madami kang hindi mapupuntahan na birthday, kasal, libing binyag lahat na ng okasyon. Sa mga dormers, pagkain sa labas or outing ng family mo di ka na invited magugulat ka nalang pag nag upload ng pictures kapatid mo or mommy mo na kumain sila sa labas or nag baguio, nag batangas, nag bora, nag palawan. Pati mga kaibigan mo nagtatampo na sayo at sasabihin alam na namin ang excuse mo magaaral ka na naman hanggang sa hindi kana nila paniniwalaan.

11. Sa med may FOREVER, forever kang mag aaral, forever kang matututo at kung single ka naman baka maging forever single ka na nyan. Sa may mga bf/gf, sabi nila pag natapos nyo ang med at kayo parin wag mo nadaw pakawalan yan na ang FOREVER.

12. Sa med may pagcompare sa non med friends, ecocompare mo ang sarili mo sa mga high school at college friends mo, yung may mga trabaho na, yung iba may asawa na, may anak na, yung iba may kotse at may bahay na, nagttravel na tapos ikaw ay hamak na gumagapang maipasa lang ang 1st year. May mga punto na hindi ka makikinig sa lecture para pagusapan ang dream wedding mo, dream house mo, ilang anak ang gusto mo tapos magbibilang ka kung ilang taon ka bago makuha ang mga to tapos mapagtanto mo na wala na sa calendar and edad mo para maachieve ang mga to, MATANDA kana. hahaha

13. Ang medicine ay parang love, binigay mo na lahat pero kulang parin. Nagaral ka, nagpuyat or di natulog pagdating ng result bagsak parin, saklap diba?

14. Sa med uso ang ” You only photocopy” or “You only read once” sa dami ng pinaphotocopy (libro, trans) isang beses mo lang mababasa or mas masaklap hindi mo talaga nabasa, kaya You Only Photocopy.

15. Sa med, lalo na pag gross anatomy- 1st day ng dissection, takot ka pa, nandidiri, doble-doble ang gloves tsaka mask pero ng patapos na isang kamay nalang ang may gloves tapos wala ng mask #DissectingLikeABoss. Minsan nagwwish ka na sana tulungan ka ng cad na ituro sayo kung vein, nerve or artery ang naka-pin sa moving exam(creepy).

Pero seriously ang pagddoktor ay hindi biro, 4 or 5 years na premed, 4 years na proper med at marami pang mga taon na susunod. Marami kang isasakripisyo para makamit ito pero sa huli ang pakiramdam na makatulong ka sa ibang tao at mabago mo ang buhay nila ay sapat ng kabayaran sa lahat ng mga sakripisyong ginawa mo. Kaya kung yumaman ang hangad mo wag ka mag doktor mag business ka nalang. Sa lahat ng mga gustong mag doctor kaya nyo yan ipush nyo yan. Goodluck and Godbless sa med school application nyo naway makapasok kayo sa dream school nyo. Sa batch ko, kaya natin to #PUSH pa magiging 2nd year din tayo. Huwag mawalan ng pagasa makakamit din ang pangarap.

#Mangarap

Cell wall inhibitor Antibiotic Flowchart

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β-Lactam (beta-lactam) and glycopeptide antibiotics work by inhibiting or interfering with cell wall synthesis of the target bacteria.

Penicillin is one of the earliest discovered and widely used antibiotic agents, derived from the Penicillium mold. Antibiotics are natural substances that are released by bacteria and fungi into the their environment, as a means of inhibiting other organisms – it is chemical warfare on a microscopic scale.

(http://inventors.about.com/od/pstartinventions/a/Penicillin.htm)

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Click for PDF copy: Penicillin Flowchart

Cephalosporins are a group of broad spectrum, semi-synthetic beta-lactam antibiotics derived from the mould Cephalosporium.

http://www.drugs.com/drug-class/cephalosporins.html

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Click for PDF copy: Cephalosporins flowchart

Carbapenems, Aztreonam and Vancomycine

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Click for PDF copy: Carbapenim Aztreonam vancomycin flowchart

source: DBQ,MD Bacterial cell wall inhibitors

How to Crush the USMLE Step 1

Abnormal Facies

The sympathetic nervous system mediates the classic “fight or flight” response – pupils dilate, the heart races, sphincters contract, and hair stands on end.  “If you have a cat at home, put his favorite food in a dish. Then just before he starts to eat, snatch the dish away. Before he scratches you, look at his pupils – that’s a [sympathetic nervous system] response,” a mentor once told me.  Fortunately, if you’re not a cat person, you can also elicit this response by mentioning the USMLE Step 1 to any second year medical student in America.

Having just experienced this exam myself, I can attest to its grueling nature – a 7+ hour exam on all one has learned in the first two years of medical school (with some topics reaching back to undergraduate education).  However, the test is also a rite of passage, and I can’t say I disagree…

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Wag matakot bumagsak, sapagkat sa bawat pag bagsak ay may bagong uusbong.

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Walang punong tutubo kung walang bungang bumagsakParang  tayo lang din, may mga problemang dumadating sa ating buhay or may mga pagkakamali tayong nagawa na pilit tayong hinihila pababa ngunit kagaya ng puno ang pag bagsak natin sa buhay ang magiging dahilan upang magkaroon ng malakas, matibay at bagong ikaw na handa na sa kung ano mang problemang dadating sa mga susunod na panahon. Wag matakot bumagsak, sapagkat sa bawat pag bagsak ay may bagong uusbong.